Wednesday, January 21, 2009

It was bound to happen sooner or later

My mother has pets. Old, incontinent pets. (Do you know where I'm going with this yet?) I've stepped in pee too many times to count, and I've stepped in poop a few times, too. There used to be a very strict no shoe rule at Mom's, but ever since the animals have started using the entire house as a bathroom everyone ignores it. The main offenders are her Yorkie, my dad's Yorkie, and the old Siamese cat, but I have a sneaking suspicion the other two cats get in on the action sometimes.

But anyway. Last night...oh, I shudder to even say it...Mr. Man put a piece of poop in his mouth. Thank God he didn't actually eat it, because I would still be throwing up. He picked it up and touched it to his tongue, basically. I saw him pick it up and knew it wasn't food, but he's too quick for me. He was all too happy to relinquish it.

Lest anyone think I let my kids run around in a sea of poop, we clean the place up a few times a day. I had just cleaned up a bunch of poop when the above incident happened--one of the dogs pooped on the floor right after I cleaned up. Also right after they'd been outside. My mom has a Rug Doctor and she cleans the carpets, on average, once a week. The dogs get let out twice a day. The only reason they don't get let out more is because they won't go outside for me, and if I run and catch them and put them outside they sit there and look at me like I am being horribly abusive. Also, they don't do anything out there. So I generally don't bother. What I have been doing is catching the dogs in the morning and putting them in the bathroom. (BTW, when they get let out of the bathroom at night, THERE'S NO MESS IN THERE. Shocker.) I'm thinking of locking the cat in the room with one of the litterboxes. (There are two; the others won't be deprived.) It'll be temporary, but when it stops being temporary we won't be living here anymore. I'm counting the days.

I used to have pets. I used to want to have pets again. I was even toying with the idea of getting a cat when we moved. I'm over it. Every time I have to clean up an animal mess it reinforces the reasons why it's not happening.

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